she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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