return my video game
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
