Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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