I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
