is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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