just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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