My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
