it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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