I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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