The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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