You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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