i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
