then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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