just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
