i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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