Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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