he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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