I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
