Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
