remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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