you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
