Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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