He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
