so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
