I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its not stalking. its research.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
