I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
