drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
