I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
