I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
