I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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