There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I lost the right to judge tonight
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
