im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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