oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
