What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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