this boner is exhausting
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
