i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
