i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
