We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
