just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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