i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
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