Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
