just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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