Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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