So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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