Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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