Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
