Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it penis luge time yet?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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