Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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