I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
