i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
