WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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