lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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