Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
