i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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