You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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