I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
