You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
