Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
