Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
