Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
