mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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