I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
