I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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