Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
