i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Be still, my beating vagina.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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