2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
