You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
