apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize