if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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