Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dignity is for republicans.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
