The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
